The Collins English Dictionary defines the
word heartbreak as something of “very great sadness and emotional
suffering, especially after the end of a love affair or close relationship”.
Somehow, no matter how many times my heart
was broken, I always forget how much that definition is accurate. I would add
things of my own, however.
Heartbreak causes very great sadness and
emotional suffering, yes, but what the dictionary leaves out is the feeling of
checking your phone expecting to see a message from the one you love, only to
remember they will probably never speak to you again. It is the feeling of
wanting to tell your day to someone you spent practically all waking hours
with, but your fingers freeze over the laptop’s keyboard or the
cellphone’s touch screen. It is crying in the middle of the day for no reason,
attracting stares and judgement from the people around who can never see that
there is a hole in the middle of your chest – how can they not
see it?
Heartbreak is remembering over and over again
that something was lost. Thinking that you are fine, then finding yourself
disconnecting from everything. The world is perceived through a bubble. Trying
to hear while wearing headphones, trying to see when everything is blurry and
far away. Food tastes bland, any kind of touch is ghostlike.
Heartbreak is different for everyone. It
can last hours, days, weeks, months, even years. Every time we ask yourself if
you can survive through that kind of pain again. Getting hurt like this. Is it
worth it? Should you give up and just adopt a cat? Maybe a dog. Why not both?
Then it happens. After how much time was needed, things look up again. You wear
pretty clothes, style your hair, wake up slightly earlier than before to look
perfect. You meet someone new, talk, go on dates, kiss. Sometimes, it is the
start of a new relationship. Heartbreak becomes a second thought, because what
you are feeling right now is pure joy.
Love is a gamble. Carefully balancing the
benefits of happiness and the possibility of what feels like a sharp knife in
the chest. If things work out, great. If they do not, well, good luck going
through that again. The “great sadness and emotional suffering”.
Heartbreak.
Sources:
https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/heartbreak
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